Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Aspie at the Dentist (part 1)

I hate going to the Dentist. I have the worse Denist fear due to having a very aggressive one as a child. I have avoided going for so long, that I need to have alot of work done. I have never had a positive dental experience before. Ive been yelled at, laughed at, told "it doesn't hurt that bad" and so on..

I had a Dental appointment today.

As usual I had a panic attack before going. I'm used to that. I always have a "sudden attack of primordial fear" before I have to go see a stranger to poke at something that hurts with a pick. I'm pretty sure that's a normal reaction. (kinda like when you try to give a cat a bath).

I have been to this office before, so I knew what to expect. I had severe sensitivity in a few of my teeth that has been giving me pain for over a week, so I knew I needed to go.

I still couldn't shake the fear. I couldn't control it either. I should just get this out in the open. I'm a crier. I can't help it. I just cry over the dumbest things sometimes. I'm a very sensitive person. And When I'm scared, I cry.

Usually I have enough time before my appointment to get over the crying, and be almost through with the panic before I get there. This morning was the morning my Toddler refused to wear pants. I tried everything, and eventually we compromised by letting him wear his pajamas.

I was 10 mins late (I HATE BEING LATE)

and I was still crying. I didint feel fear, I was just crying. It was a nervous response. I couldn't stop it. I sat in the car for a few minutes (15 mins late now) to try to calm myself, and nothing was working.

so I went to my dentist appointment today. And cried the whole way through it. I cried at the reception desk, I cried waiting in the lobby, I cried during the cleaning, the X ray, and the checkout. I was still crying when DH came to pick me up. It was so strange. I'm a crier, but never like that. I NEVER cry in public If I can help it.

Here is the Awesome part though.. The assistants went out of their way to make sure that I was ok, and comfortable. they stayed with me in the room while I was waiting for the dentist, they talked to me about my Xrays, and told me before they touched my mouth in any way what they were doing, they brought me the national geographic magazine that I was trying to read in the lobby and wiped my tears from my face gently with gauze while the dentist worked on "checking my tooth sensitivity".

It was the most heartfelt, kind, gentle, and best treatment I have ever gotten at a dentists office EVER.

It's so nice to know that even In my worst state, they are still kind people in the world. I think I can make it through the sensory overload, and pain, much better now that I know that there are others who understand the stress I am going through.

I still hate going to the dentist. but I left absolutely glowing (still crying, but this time, It was more tears of joy and disbelief then fear). I felt like I had climbed a mountain.

All those years I "toughed it out" in public, All those years "faking it" and trying to pass off as "normal" and "unaffected" All those years I was afraid of what people would do if they ever "saw" the real me.

Here I was, Embarrassed, Scared, in pain...

and all I saw was Love.

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