To “I Wish I Didn’t Have Aspergers”: An #AutismPositivity2012 Flash Blog Event

Dear "I wish I didn't have Aspergers",

 I'm sorry that people have treated you badly, or inferior, or aggressively, because they thought you were "different" and told you so. I'm sorry that you have been ignored, mistreated, misunderstood, and taken advantage of. I'm sorry that the people who you wanted to feel close to, rejected you, made fun of you, and belittled you because of who you are.

but...Please dont blame yourself for the negative actions of others. It's not your fault. It's not your "Label". Its the fault of other people who could not be bothered to take the time to get to know what an Amazingly AWESOME person you really are. And you are Awesome. because just by hitting the internet and typing out a term in a search bar like "I wish I didint have Aspergers" shows a desire to connect, to be understood, to understand yourself, and to find a community that understands you.

Bravo! that takes alot of courage!

And we are here, EVERYWHERE, not just the ASD/Aspie community, but the LGBT, the GEEK, the NERD, the DORK, the Cosplayers, the Furries, the Fairys, the pagans, the christians, the blacks, the whites, and even the so called "normals"  Everyone is just trying to find a place where they "fit". Everyone is looking for that same connection, because at one time in our lives, we have all be belittled, rejected, ignored, and made fun of for who we are, and what we believe.

YAY internet! Finally a place where everyone can go. to find a place to "fit" within a community.

and don't get me wrong, finding local folks who are supportive of you is important, but dont ignore the support that you already have because it's not the type of support that you want.

 YOU ARE NOT ALONE. YOU NEVER WERE. THERE ARE MILLIONS OF PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO ARE NOT JERKS, WHO ARE CAPABLE OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, AND WHO WILL LOVE YOU AND ACCEPT YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE, NOT WHAT YOU ARE "CALLED". YOUR BRAIN IS BEAUTIFUL, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, AND THERE ARE MILLIONS OF PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO ARE WAITING TO SEE WHAT YOU CAN DO....

and the best part is..all you have to do. Is be your self.

There are lots of crappy people out there who will only be able to focus on what they perceive you "cant" do. But there are even more out there who will see you for what you "can" do, and who you "are" instead of what you "will be".

You are Amazing right now. You are Awesome right now. You are full of love and light and character, and ideas, and talents. Right Now! don't give up because someone told you "your not good enough/smart-enough/pretty-enough/well-spoken-enough/ YOU ARE ENOUGH, YOU ARE AWESOME RIGHT NOW.

but if you cant see that, If you have to look at yourself through the eyes of "others" Look here, Look at the Awesome community who loves and supports you...Right now

and All you did was type "I wish I didint have Aspergers" in a google search.

see, I told you that you were amazing...

11:54 PM

I am writing this from the 2nd story of our local Hospital. I am staying here for the time being with Littlebear who has contracted some sort of strange prehistoric cold, and Is being monitored for progress over night.

I am here alone with LB, while DH is with JP at home. It's ok. His Aunt works on our floor tonight, and she was Awesome enough to rock him to sleep when I couldnt get him to sleep for me this evening. (not that I blame him, you should see the "baby cage" they expect him to sleep in.) If I had a werewolf baby, this thing may had made sense, but for an ordinary kid, Steal bars just seem a bit over-kill.

He took my bed instead.

I'm in a rocking chair. drinking weakly brewed coffee, and trying to type as silently as I possibly can, while I wait for a friend to drop off some cash from DH because he is stuck at the house with JP while I am stuck here with LB. (yea, I know should have thought this out better).

there wasnt alot of time for preparations. LB had his early intervention team meeting just like every week. and then soon after it was over, LB started coughing worse, and made these weird heaving breathing noises. Buy the time I had him wrapped up and ready to go, he was just focused on breathing..given the mucus..I can understand why he was having such a time with it. He gets colds from time to time, and usually they are not a big deal, I just bundle him up, and take him outside for a while. DH was on a confrense call for work, so Instead of interrupting him with "hey your baby is dying again" I just packed him into the stroller and headed towards the hospital. He was breathing well, just not having a happy time of things. (If it had been worse, I would have called a bus). I figured that he would clear up before we got there, but he decided to stay.

I didint think it was any big deal. Just an inhaler, an antibiotic, and possibly a shot o steroid like last time.

and yea, they did that. and a 2 hour antibiotic drip after they had put in an IV. And then told us that If he didint clear by 5 o clock, that we would have to stay over night. 

He was admitted to the ER at 11:30 Am. Its now Midnight, and we are still here. Thankfully he is doing better, (and sleeping well for the time being). 
I'm trying to enjoy the flat coffee, and ignore the blinking lights on the monitor that publish his heart rate and Oxygen stats. I dont know how I'm going to sleep. (he took the bed, so I guess I get..the cage?).

(Edit :Update) We slept through the rest of the night, and although it was interrupted sleep (nurses checking in every 1/2 hour) there were no further problems, and we were discharged a little after noon the next day. they sent us home with a nebulizer, a pack of albuterol, an inhaled steroid, and some really scary "cough medicine" that thankfully he doesnt need. He is sleeping now and breathing well. so even though It was a most uncomfortable situation we are all doing much better.

Now I'm going to sleep, in my own bed, after drinking my own brand of coffe, and possibly eating a ton of my own ice cream.

Aspie at the Dentist (part 1)

I hate going to the Dentist. I have the worse Denist fear due to having a very aggressive one as a child. I have avoided going for so long, that I need to have alot of work done. I have never had a positive dental experience before. Ive been yelled at, laughed at, told "it doesn't hurt that bad" and so on..

I had a Dental appointment today.

As usual I had a panic attack before going. I'm used to that. I always have a "sudden attack of primordial fear" before I have to go see a stranger to poke at something that hurts with a pick. I'm pretty sure that's a normal reaction. (kinda like when you try to give a cat a bath).

I have been to this office before, so I knew what to expect. I had severe sensitivity in a few of my teeth that has been giving me pain for over a week, so I knew I needed to go.

I still couldn't shake the fear. I couldn't control it either. I should just get this out in the open. I'm a crier. I can't help it. I just cry over the dumbest things sometimes. I'm a very sensitive person. And When I'm scared, I cry.

Usually I have enough time before my appointment to get over the crying, and be almost through with the panic before I get there. This morning was the morning my Toddler refused to wear pants. I tried everything, and eventually we compromised by letting him wear his pajamas.

I was 10 mins late (I HATE BEING LATE)

and I was still crying. I didint feel fear, I was just crying. It was a nervous response. I couldn't stop it. I sat in the car for a few minutes (15 mins late now) to try to calm myself, and nothing was working.

so I went to my dentist appointment today. And cried the whole way through it. I cried at the reception desk, I cried waiting in the lobby, I cried during the cleaning, the X ray, and the checkout. I was still crying when DH came to pick me up. It was so strange. I'm a crier, but never like that. I NEVER cry in public If I can help it.

Here is the Awesome part though.. The assistants went out of their way to make sure that I was ok, and comfortable. they stayed with me in the room while I was waiting for the dentist, they talked to me about my Xrays, and told me before they touched my mouth in any way what they were doing, they brought me the national geographic magazine that I was trying to read in the lobby and wiped my tears from my face gently with gauze while the dentist worked on "checking my tooth sensitivity".

It was the most heartfelt, kind, gentle, and best treatment I have ever gotten at a dentists office EVER.

It's so nice to know that even In my worst state, they are still kind people in the world. I think I can make it through the sensory overload, and pain, much better now that I know that there are others who understand the stress I am going through.

I still hate going to the dentist. but I left absolutely glowing (still crying, but this time, It was more tears of joy and disbelief then fear). I felt like I had climbed a mountain.

All those years I "toughed it out" in public, All those years "faking it" and trying to pass off as "normal" and "unaffected" All those years I was afraid of what people would do if they ever "saw" the real me.

Here I was, Embarrassed, Scared, in pain...

and all I saw was Love.

blogging, blogging, blogging...

    Oh, wow! It's been a full 24 hours, and I still really like this blog. I can't believe it! I'm happy with the layout (for now) I'm happy with the interface, and I even have things to blog about that are showing up in my brain in an organized manor. (Halijula!)- I have no idea how to spell that word, my blogger spell checker thinks its (halibut). lol. (looked up how to spell halijula Its actually spelled. hallelujah so I don't know why blogger Spell check decided that I was trying to write about fish instead, but I find it pretty humorous. I think I'll just go around saying HALIBUT! from now on. 

back to the blog.

    It's rare for me to stick with something, and even like the idea after the majority of the thought has been expressed. I thought that I was "over" blogging. I thought that I didnt have anything to say and "no one would want to read it". Truth is, I was sabotaging my previous blogs, because I didint want to read it.
    I would read all these wonderful amazing blogs, written by wonderful amazing people, about their wonderful and amazing lives, wishing I could be that happy, that I could write that well, that I could express myself without stumbling all over my own thoughts. (which even now are bringing me back to "halibut")

    but the more time I spend reading blogs, and posts, and articles, the more I think. "My voice is missing".
I do have things to say. I have lots of things to say. I discovered that I am also a "needed" part of the conversation. I have a right to speak my mind about things I feel passionate about, just like anyone else.
I have a right to my opinions, thoughts, and beliefs, just like anyone else.

Mostly I discovered that my life Was Amazing, and worth writing about.

I'm Awesome, and I have a ton of experience to share, as a mom, as a woman, and more importantly as a compassionate, understanding, and accepting human being.


I have the same problem with social networks as I do in the real world. They just don't seem to "fit" me. Social networks are Awesome! but each and every one of them has limitations that limit my expression. With Twitter its 140 char. With FB its well..the people on FB. and I have no idea what Google+ is anymore.

I like blogs. I can say what I want. Type as long as I want. I wont get flamed for having an unpopular opinion, because, hey, It's my blog. If you don't like it. dont read it.

but I hope you will.

Because I will, And I will read and respond to every comment (assuming they are not hateful) and I will try to answer every question. I hope to always be as honest as possible, and as expressive as possible. If I want others to understand my point of view, you have to understand how I "see" the world, and the only way to do that, Is to be as rawly me as I can (yes, made up words and all).

And hope that you like it.  :)

(and if you want to find me on the other sites, click the links above or google strawberryskycat or skycat on the interwebs and If you still cant find me, drop me an email at awesomesauceadventures @ hotmail . com)

Hajimemashite!

That's how the Japanese say " hello, nice to meet you for the first time! "

I'm strawberryskycat ( ichigo sora neko), or skycat for short.

hajimemashite!! *bows* Nice to meet you.
 
   I'm not usually much for intro posts. I find it incredibly awkward to have a public one sided conversation with myself.  Since I have to make an introduction, here are the basics.

I am a female (whoa! there are girls on the internet? no way!)
I self identify as both Aspie, geek, and AWESOME.
I love cats and Japanese Culture.
I drink WAY too much coffee. 
I live in the north east united states, in a small rented house, in a small town/city

With my best friend and Hetrosexual life partner, and our 2 children.

    Our oldest is a firecracker with a quick wit, and awesome sense of humor. She loves Star-wars, drawing, photography, robots, and fuzzy little animals.
( refered to here as Jediprincess or JP for short)

    Our youngest, is our little engineer, he loves how things work, and will take apart everything in sight just to figure out how. He digs bluegrass and cars, and loves the color red. He also gives the best hugs in the world. (we call him littlebear or LB for short)

    We don't have any pets other then the strange neighborhood tabby cat that has seemed to adopted us.
(We like her. We feed her tuna and named her "sparks")

    As for the blog, I decided that there were not enough Women/Aspie/Parents of kids on the spectrum out there lending our voices to the "Autism Conversation".
Also our LB suffered a brain Injury shortly after he was born which affected the right side of his body. (hemiparisis). (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hemiparesis)

    Most of my Adult conversation now revolves around my son and his sensory/muscular issues, and his speech delay instead of the normal everyday stuff that other parents of 2 somethings talk about.
I find it hard to participate in "normal" baby conversation, and while I have found some amazing and helpful support groups online (http://www.chasa.org/), sometimes I just have more to say then things I can fit in a social networking post.

so I made a blog. If you read it, then, well, YOUR AWESOME. and thank you for doing so.=^..^=
I hope you enjoy It
:)